Seeing it through
Shooting for the stars isn’t always easy. Like most passionate, creative people, “good enough” is never really good enough. This fight for perfection can be tiring, exhausting, all together draining. Even with all the tenacity I possess, it’s easy to get lost along the way. I find myself falling victim to self-doubt constantly. Those vengeful, probing voices can so swiftly get the better of me–telling me my work doesn’t cut it, compelling me to give up.
But I truly believe it’s so important to see it through, to keep going, to finish what we start. Even if our projects never see the light of day, even if we keep them only for ourselves, there is merit in working through the difficulties, rising above the many setbacks. For those of us who create, it is–after all–the act of creating that is most rewarding. Whether we paint, or draw, or write, or sing, we do these things because doing them provides us with some bit of joy. Not everything we work on will bring us success. But what we learn along the way about ourselves and our process is reward enough. We grow as artists and creators; we grow as human beings.
This was my mindset while working on my novel, More Perfect. I never had any delusions of grandeur, no inflated notions of self worth. Far from it. I simply had a story to tell. I had no idea if it would be of any worth or if anyone would ever care to read it. I just knew that there was a growing need inside me to express myself and I found solace in writing it down.
As I progressed it grew and grew and like so many of these things, it took on a life of its own. The characters became their own people, the world became real and separate from me and my experiences. It was a beautiful thing, seeing it come together, take shape and develop its own voice. It’s taken me four years to “complete”, and I still don’t know where it will ultimately end up. But I’m grateful I stuck with it. I’m happy I saw it through. I learned who I am as a writer. I discovered my voice.
As someone who was always too shy to speak up, who longed to hide in the background and remain forever unseen, I’m excited to be discovering myself in this new way–embracing what I think, and feel, and believe in. This is just the beginning of my journey, and I look forward to seeing, not where it ends up, but how I grow, and evolve, and learn along the way.
DANIEL JANAKA 